Tag: philosophy of sorts

  • Pushing and Pulling: Part 1

    At the suggestion of my lovely friend Nicole, what was going to be one massive, convoluted post, is now going to be a series of three or four, maybe more later on! For now, the basic idea…

    I’ve heard it said—or likely more accurately, read it written—that in life, you’re always either running to or running from something.

    I’m not sure I entirely agree (mainly because that sounds like way too much running!), but it fits well enough with what’s been running through my head.

    There are things in life that pull you—goals, desires, ambitions, interests, affection…—and things that push you—dissatisfaction, problems, circumstances, things you want to avoid, even people (intentionally or otherwise).

    Things that pull you pull you toward something. It’s more directional. Things that push you are less directional, just sort of pushing you away. Toward has a destination in mind. Away doesn’t care where you go as long as it’s not here.

    Like with magnets! if you have them oriented with opposite poles facing, so the force between them is attractive, they pull to each other. If you let go of one, you know exactly where it’ll end up—right up against the other! If you have them oriented so the force between them is repulsive, they push away from each other, and if you let go one one… who knows where it’ll go?! Maybe directly opposite the other magnet, but it could veer off to either side, or flip around or over…

    It works the same way with people. Physically poking, prodding, nudging, or shoving someone is at best an ineffective way to move them (as they can’t tell if you’re trying to get them to go somewhere specific or just somewhere else), and at worst, outright hostile. You take someone by the hand or arm to lead them somewhere, perhaps just to draw closer.

    Less concretely, we talk about being drawn to someone (perhaps someone with a magnetic personality), or feeling like a loved one is pushing us away. This pushing and pulling is a notion that’s already ingrained in our language. Words like attractive and repulsive are used far more often in emotional contexts than in reference to actual physical forces!

    My thought, though, is that just about everything in life—not just interpersonal relationships, but all the events, circumstances, reactions, etc. that affect our lives—can be thought of as either pushing or pulling. And which one? Depends on the situation.

    Say you leave your job at an office and go to work at a bakery. Were you pushed or pulled?

    • If you made the switch because decorating cupcakes is your passion: pulled.
    • If you left because you were fired and the bakery just happened to be hiring: pushed. (Maybe literally?)

     
    I go hang out at a coffee shop for a few hours. Push or pull?

    • If I go because I’m in the mood for a lovely cup of chai and a nice place to sit and read or crochet: pull.
    • If I go because I’ve been cooped up in my house or office all day and I just want out: push.

     
    You’re at a party, and spend most of the evening chatting with a person we’ll call Sam. Pushing or pulling?

    • If you’re hanging with Sam because Sam is cool and you’re enjoying Sam’s company: pulling.
    • If you’re just hanging with Sam because you don’t know anyone else there: pushing.
    • If you’re hanging with Sam because an ex or otherwise someone you wish to avoid is present: pushing (and you’re pushing back).

     

    Thoughts? More examples? Do share!

  • Not Quite Writer’s Block…

    More like… Writer’s Banana Peel?

    “Banana Peel” by Black Glenn, on Flickr

    Yep, that figures! While this little blog was in transition, I had so many things I wanted to blog about. I finally get it moved over to its new home (here!), all spiffed up satisfactorily, the epic backlog of posts and photos posted, so I’m finally feeling free to blog regularly… and I suddenly have nothing to say.

    Then I’ll be driving to/from work, or in the shower, or something – anywhere i can’t type or write anything down – and remember everything I wanted to post, and come up with six new great ideas… but as soon as I stop the car or whatever, nothing. My mind is instantly blank, void of any eager scrap of creativity or inspiration! Of course!

    In the last week or so, I’ve been through this cycle so many times that I at least can remember the topics I had in mind, broadly, but still have nothing to say about them! Or I just, at that moment, think they’re incredibly stupid, uninteresting ideas no longer worthy of being bloggified.

    So after musing on that predicament for a while, I decided that it was, itself, decent [if viciously meta] blog fodder, and here we are. (Yes, it now seems kind of silly and stupid and not nearly as interesting as it did ten seconds before I started writing. But hey! Words.)

  • On Decisions, Habits, and Intentionality.

    I’ve had this pile of thoughts floating around in my head for a while, but couldn’t peg what they were actually about. Now I’ve figured it out… I think. Pretty sure they’re mostly just an explanation of basic decision making. Well, a really thorough systemization of basic decision making, with a little analysis of habitualness, a hint of philosophy, and a splash of rant. Kind of long and abstract, sorry. If you don’t feel like reading the whole thing, skip the first two sections. The end is what matters.

    Consider a choice.

    Any choice. Just one. A single solitary decision. What it’s about doesn’t matter. Every choice has a purpose, for lack of a better word, or some set of criteria to be met, and at least two alternatives. (The purpose may not be immediately obvious… it might be the best use of your time, for instance, if you’re deciding whether or not to do something, or it might be a complex combination of criteria. Some or even all criteria may be preferences, what appeals to you, even what appeals to you at the moment.) You need to decide which of those two alternatives best accomplishes that purpose/fulfills the criteria.

    You consider every facet of the expected outcome of each alternative– both the positives, like how well it does what it’s supposed to and additional benefits, and the negatives, such as costs (financial, time, or otherwise) and other consequences. You weigh these out, and see which option comes out on top. A lot of the time, it will be a trade-off, so you keep your specific criteria in mind– which are more important to you, and which you are willing to potentially compromise on. One option might be objectively better in general, but another is better suited to your particular situation/criteria.

    Sometimes, things come out more or less even. Maybe you started trying to make a decision objectively, the options are very similar or its a fairly even trade off, so they you add in another criterion, perhaps preference, to tip the scales one way or the other. Or the whole decision is about preference, but you weren’t sure which alternative you actually liked, so you tried eliminating that as a factor and look at which is objectively better. Once in a while, of course, it just comes down to a whim.

    Now, all of life is a series of these choices.

    Everything you do, you make a choice to do, and then you make choices regarding how to go about doing that thing.

    People think about the major decisions they need to make as choices, and most would agree it’s best to use this sort of logical reasoning in making those decisions (or at least consider what logic would tell you). Sometimes your heart or instinct might override, but you probably won’t intentionally go for an irrational choice, unless you have some other reason that makes it make sense to you, and just appears crazy to other people.

    What is often overlooked, however, are the little choices, especially things you do frequently or habitually. You do them a certain way. Always have. Except not always. Unless you are a pre-existent eternal being not bound by time, there was a time you didn’t exist, so you probably weren’t doing whatever you do however you do it. There was a moment you first existed, and some time later, you did that thing you do for the first time. And at that point, you had to decide how to go about doing it, maybe even learn how to do it.

    That first time, the choices, every step of the way, were conscious. They probably were the second time too. You could do it the same way, or try something differently. The decisions may have been conscious the third time too, maybe the fourth or even longer. Sooner or later, though, you probably established the pattern of how you do that, and stopped thinking about each decision.

    We live so much of our lives on autopilot.

    The thing is, after people have been following a pattern for a while, they forget that they’re just subconsciously repeating the same decisions over and over again. I’ve always done it this way. But does that mean that’s the best way to do it? Not necessarily. Maybe the situation in which you do that has changed. Maybe the information or tools you have have changed. Maybe the outcome you’re looking for has changed. Maybe you have changed, and will think of a better or just different way to go about it.

    If you can remember why you chose to do something a certain way, and present-self agrees with past-self’s reasoning, maybe you do want to keep doing it that way for now. But if you can’t remember why you do it the way you do, or some factor may have changed, try thinking through it again.

    Set aside your pattern, start from scratch.

    Try to “forget” what you normally do, and approach it anew, systematically and comprehensively. Break it down into purpose and specific criteria, and outcomes for each alternative (function and benefits, costs and consequences).

    • Establish what the relative weights of your criteria are.
    • Now evaluate what they should be– did you miss something worth considering, or let something less important or even irrational take priority?
    • Look at the alternatives you’re selecting from. Are there any other ways of doing what your doing, or things you could do instead to fulfill the same purpose? (They don’t have to be good ways, that’ll get sorted out in the next step.)
    • Rework your criteria as needed and analyze the elements of each alternative accordingly.
    • Make your decision. Which is really the best option?

    Work through the decision-making process again, with a fresh perspective, and determine what’s really the best way to do whatever it is you’re doing. Write it down if that works for you. Is it the same as you’ve been doing? If it is, cool, as you were. If it isn’t, are you willing to try the new way? (After all, you’re own brain just told you it’s better.) Or will you be stubborn and stick with the way you’ve “always” done it, just because it’s the way you’ve always done it?

    This is not hypothetical; this is a challenge.

    I’m serious, try it. Pick something you do fairly often. It can be the way you get to work, what beverage you drink, how you spend your first hour of “free time” in a given day, the way you organize your bookshelf, putting on pants, I don’t care. Just pick something, ponder why you do it the way you do. Actually think through the decision once, instead of going on autopilot. When you figure out the best option, try it that way. See if it works for you. Heck, try a different option even if it’s not better, maybe you’ll discover something interesting.

    Maybe you’ll make your life a little bit easier, or better in some small way. Maybe even a big way, who knows? Maybe you won’t, this time, and you’ll go back to your pattern. Try it with something else. Make a pattern of challenging your patterns. I bet sooner or later you find something you can improve on. (;

    But maybe you won’t. Maybe you’ll keep finding the way you’ve been doing things is the best way, or at least works for you, and never change a thing… but wouldn’t it be nice to know that? To know that you have gone through life intentionally, thinking through and testing your decisions, and are confident that you are living the best life possible?

    Try it. Be intentional. Live intentionally. Live on purpose, not on autopilot.

    </motivational speech> But for serious, give it a go. (I’m going to!) Ready for this? I DARE YOU. Tell me about it in the comments!

    • What are you going to / did you try it on? After you do, what’s the result?
    • Did you learn anything in the process?
    • Am I a total and complete moron? (It’s okay, you can tell me. -_-)
    • How about your ideas, how else can we live on purpose?