Category: wordsmithin’

  • Not Quite Writer’s Block…

    More like… Writer’s Banana Peel?

    “Banana Peel” by Black Glenn, on Flickr

    Yep, that figures! While this little blog was in transition, I had so many things I wanted to blog about. I finally get it moved over to its new home (here!), all spiffed up satisfactorily, the epic backlog of posts and photos posted, so I’m finally feeling free to blog regularly… and I suddenly have nothing to say.

    Then I’ll be driving to/from work, or in the shower, or something – anywhere i can’t type or write anything down – and remember everything I wanted to post, and come up with six new great ideas… but as soon as I stop the car or whatever, nothing. My mind is instantly blank, void of any eager scrap of creativity or inspiration! Of course!

    In the last week or so, I’ve been through this cycle so many times that I at least can remember the topics I had in mind, broadly, but still have nothing to say about them! Or I just, at that moment, think they’re incredibly stupid, uninteresting ideas no longer worthy of being bloggified.

    So after musing on that predicament for a while, I decided that it was, itself, decent [if viciously meta] blog fodder, and here we are. (Yes, it now seems kind of silly and stupid and not nearly as interesting as it did ten seconds before I started writing. But hey! Words.)

  • On Decisions, Habits, and Intentionality.

    I’ve had this pile of thoughts floating around in my head for a while, but couldn’t peg what they were actually about. Now I’ve figured it out… I think. Pretty sure they’re mostly just an explanation of basic decision making. Well, a really thorough systemization of basic decision making, with a little analysis of habitualness, a hint of philosophy, and a splash of rant. Kind of long and abstract, sorry. If you don’t feel like reading the whole thing, skip the first two sections. The end is what matters.

    Consider a choice.

    Any choice. Just one. A single solitary decision. What it’s about doesn’t matter. Every choice has a purpose, for lack of a better word, or some set of criteria to be met, and at least two alternatives. (The purpose may not be immediately obvious… it might be the best use of your time, for instance, if you’re deciding whether or not to do something, or it might be a complex combination of criteria. Some or even all criteria may be preferences, what appeals to you, even what appeals to you at the moment.) You need to decide which of those two alternatives best accomplishes that purpose/fulfills the criteria.

    You consider every facet of the expected outcome of each alternative– both the positives, like how well it does what it’s supposed to and additional benefits, and the negatives, such as costs (financial, time, or otherwise) and other consequences. You weigh these out, and see which option comes out on top. A lot of the time, it will be a trade-off, so you keep your specific criteria in mind– which are more important to you, and which you are willing to potentially compromise on. One option might be objectively better in general, but another is better suited to your particular situation/criteria.

    Sometimes, things come out more or less even. Maybe you started trying to make a decision objectively, the options are very similar or its a fairly even trade off, so they you add in another criterion, perhaps preference, to tip the scales one way or the other. Or the whole decision is about preference, but you weren’t sure which alternative you actually liked, so you tried eliminating that as a factor and look at which is objectively better. Once in a while, of course, it just comes down to a whim.

    Now, all of life is a series of these choices.

    Everything you do, you make a choice to do, and then you make choices regarding how to go about doing that thing.

    People think about the major decisions they need to make as choices, and most would agree it’s best to use this sort of logical reasoning in making those decisions (or at least consider what logic would tell you). Sometimes your heart or instinct might override, but you probably won’t intentionally go for an irrational choice, unless you have some other reason that makes it make sense to you, and just appears crazy to other people.

    What is often overlooked, however, are the little choices, especially things you do frequently or habitually. You do them a certain way. Always have. Except not always. Unless you are a pre-existent eternal being not bound by time, there was a time you didn’t exist, so you probably weren’t doing whatever you do however you do it. There was a moment you first existed, and some time later, you did that thing you do for the first time. And at that point, you had to decide how to go about doing it, maybe even learn how to do it.

    That first time, the choices, every step of the way, were conscious. They probably were the second time too. You could do it the same way, or try something differently. The decisions may have been conscious the third time too, maybe the fourth or even longer. Sooner or later, though, you probably established the pattern of how you do that, and stopped thinking about each decision.

    We live so much of our lives on autopilot.

    The thing is, after people have been following a pattern for a while, they forget that they’re just subconsciously repeating the same decisions over and over again. I’ve always done it this way. But does that mean that’s the best way to do it? Not necessarily. Maybe the situation in which you do that has changed. Maybe the information or tools you have have changed. Maybe the outcome you’re looking for has changed. Maybe you have changed, and will think of a better or just different way to go about it.

    If you can remember why you chose to do something a certain way, and present-self agrees with past-self’s reasoning, maybe you do want to keep doing it that way for now. But if you can’t remember why you do it the way you do, or some factor may have changed, try thinking through it again.

    Set aside your pattern, start from scratch.

    Try to “forget” what you normally do, and approach it anew, systematically and comprehensively. Break it down into purpose and specific criteria, and outcomes for each alternative (function and benefits, costs and consequences).

    • Establish what the relative weights of your criteria are.
    • Now evaluate what they should be– did you miss something worth considering, or let something less important or even irrational take priority?
    • Look at the alternatives you’re selecting from. Are there any other ways of doing what your doing, or things you could do instead to fulfill the same purpose? (They don’t have to be good ways, that’ll get sorted out in the next step.)
    • Rework your criteria as needed and analyze the elements of each alternative accordingly.
    • Make your decision. Which is really the best option?

    Work through the decision-making process again, with a fresh perspective, and determine what’s really the best way to do whatever it is you’re doing. Write it down if that works for you. Is it the same as you’ve been doing? If it is, cool, as you were. If it isn’t, are you willing to try the new way? (After all, you’re own brain just told you it’s better.) Or will you be stubborn and stick with the way you’ve “always” done it, just because it’s the way you’ve always done it?

    This is not hypothetical; this is a challenge.

    I’m serious, try it. Pick something you do fairly often. It can be the way you get to work, what beverage you drink, how you spend your first hour of “free time” in a given day, the way you organize your bookshelf, putting on pants, I don’t care. Just pick something, ponder why you do it the way you do. Actually think through the decision once, instead of going on autopilot. When you figure out the best option, try it that way. See if it works for you. Heck, try a different option even if it’s not better, maybe you’ll discover something interesting.

    Maybe you’ll make your life a little bit easier, or better in some small way. Maybe even a big way, who knows? Maybe you won’t, this time, and you’ll go back to your pattern. Try it with something else. Make a pattern of challenging your patterns. I bet sooner or later you find something you can improve on. (;

    But maybe you won’t. Maybe you’ll keep finding the way you’ve been doing things is the best way, or at least works for you, and never change a thing… but wouldn’t it be nice to know that? To know that you have gone through life intentionally, thinking through and testing your decisions, and are confident that you are living the best life possible?

    Try it. Be intentional. Live intentionally. Live on purpose, not on autopilot.

    </motivational speech> But for serious, give it a go. (I’m going to!) Ready for this? I DARE YOU. Tell me about it in the comments!

    • What are you going to / did you try it on? After you do, what’s the result?
    • Did you learn anything in the process?
    • Am I a total and complete moron? (It’s okay, you can tell me. -_-)
    • How about your ideas, how else can we live on purpose?
  • What's your favorite color that's not a color?

    So we’re gonna go around the circle and introduce ourselves. Everybody tell us your name, where you’re from, where you go to school, for what, and what year you are, or where you work and what your job is, and…

    Everybody needs a good icebreaker.

    Between college, church-related activities, and [what I can only describe as the retarded hybrid test-tube baby of spontaneity, whimsy, the inability to say ‘no’, and an awkward introvert’s varied attempts to be social], I have found myself in more of these self-interrogation circles than I ever would have imagined, much less could possibly count.

    The questions asked are remarkably predictable (and alliterative):

    • Who: Your name, of course.
    • What: do you do? Job and/or major.
    • Where: are you from, or where do you work/go to school.
    • When: How long have you been doing whatever it is you do?/What year in school are you?
    • and finally, Wildcard: You thought I was going to say “Why”, didn’t you? WRONG.
    • (One of those Ws may be omitted, especially if answers are expected to be similar.)

    Who makes sense. Names are helpful. What/where/when are smalltalk standards, good to get out early, as a function of our culture more-so than actually being relevant to substantive conversation. The Wildcard question is where things get interesting.

    The Wildcard is, as you might guess, at the discretion of the group leader or organizer. They might go for profound (ie: most memorable something-or-other), immediate (ie: highs & lows of the past week), or just silly (ie: favorite breakfast cereal). The more groups you do this with, the more they get redundant, so you try to think of new and interesting questions.

    A few years ago, I found myself in one of those recurring events for which the group varies so we were used to doing the go-round each time for the benefit of new members, but on this particular occasion, it was a smallish group and we all knew each other, at least as far as the standard Ws went, so the group leader posed what might be considered the ultimate icebreaker: Come up with an icebreaker. We each thought of a question, and everyone answered each. Some were goofy, some forgettable, some awkward. Mine quickly became my favorite thing to ask people. 🙂

    What’s your favorite color that’s not a color?

    I couldn’t explain it well enough, so the lousy approximation that came out of my mouth was as much riddle as inquiry. It became as much about trying to see who understood my brain to “get it right” as people actually sharing their favorites, and after a few attempts at explaining it, my friend Elliott seems to be convinced that the question is entirely subjective and dependent on my brain, Jeff thinks we should put it to a vote, and only a few people seem to be catching the general drift of the question’s intent. (I think Rachel knows what I mean.) So it’s time to try to put this into words that are valid outside my brain.

    “What’s your favorite color?” is a common enough question, and while interesting, and I love colors, the vocabulary that answers that question is so limited. “Blue”, “red”, “orange”, even “teal” are so vague, and tell me so little about what a person is actually liking.

    Even more specific color names like “sky blue” or “brick red” describe only the hue and maybe shade of the color at best. But they’re really just largely-arbitrary labels assigned to a generally-accepted range of wavelengths in the visible spectrum. A sky blue car looks very different than a sky blue t-shirt, and neither actually looks the same as a sky blue sky. Color needs context.

    What I’m interested in is not the label attached to the range of hues you usually prefer, but the whole and specific swatch of reality you find most visually appealing. It’s not cobalt blue, but cobalt blue glass… not brown, but the last half-inch of black coffee in a white mug… not just orange, or even soft orange, but Jim’s orange sweater. Big threatening clouds just before a sudden storm. That red plastic water bottle. Antique silver dinnerware. Polished mahogany. Even more complex things that don’t fit into traditional color names, like “Oil slick in the parking lot” or “the tv screen when it’s off” or Royal Stewart Tartan.

    There’s depth to it. Texture. The way the light plays with a surface. It’s specific, so that assuming you seen it before too, you instantly know what the person is referring to, and don’t have to wonder “this part? or that one?” (Not just trees, even a certain tree, but the bark, or birch bark, or pine needles, or looking out over a valley of autumn leaves just before sunset. It brings to mind a certain mental picture that you can say, “Yep, that’s my favorite,” and when someone else hears it, they picture essentially the same thing and can say, “Ah, that’s their favorite.”

    Blue corn tortilla chips. Copper (not merely “copper colored” but copper metal, like a brand new penny). #FF00FF on your computer screen (I have yet to see that one exist in nature). That greenish edge on a glass table. Orange juice. Tail lights. Blacklight. Black cat fur. Bluejeans. Blue raspberry Jolly Ranchers. Gold star stickers. Red rose petals. Beets.

    Get the gist? I think I can rephrase the question better now. How about:

    What’s your favorite [specific visual stimulus] that isn’t [an arbitrary label for a range of light wavelengths]?

    Or better yet:

    What’s your favorite color? Answer with a noun.

  • "Review"

    It was brilliant, damn it.

    Vaguely dystopian sci-fi with suspense and an intriguing plot. The setting was indeterminate, regarding time (I’d guess some point in the future, but no telling how far) and place (a city, probably American if it’s a nearish sort of future but could have been elsewhere, even another planet, we don’t know). The main characters had epic adventures and a believable, non-nauseating romance. The dialog was articulate and witty, snarky and heartfelt at all the right moments. It was so good, that when it ended, coming back to reality actually kind of hurt. I still wanted to know what happened next, or at least go back and watch it again.

    But no dice– it was a dream.

    It played like a movie. A really frakking awesome movie, that was bound to be a genre favorite, maybe even a “blockbuster”. I wish I remembered it well enough to actually make that movie, or perhaps write it out as a book, but like anything I’ve only watched once, I can only recall the basic gist (and I do mean basic), a line or two, and few “snapshot” images. You’d think, being that the writer, director, “cameraman”, and heck, all of the cast/characters, were, in fact, my brain, I’d be able to remember a little better what happened, or at least re-create something similar. But no.

    That lovely film was created by my subconscious, who is apparently much more intelligent, creative, and accomplished than my conscious mind, and absolutely refuses to share its brilliance with its conscious counterpart, who could in turn share it with the world…

    …’cause my subconscious is a bitch about intellectual property rights.

    Figures.

  • New books! And snow! Must be Christmas!…April fools!

    Ha…eh…huh? Nowait. Really, universe, what?

    o.O

    I can’t decide which I’m more excited to finally have / which to read first! (The Name of the Wind by Patrick Rothfuss (who also wrote this lovely note), and Serenity: The Shepherd’s Tale by Joss & Zack Whedon with art by Chris Samnee.) Both I already know I’m going to love, and both have been a long time coming (my own doing, only actually ordered them Tuesday morning)… feels like so much more than a box of books… More like… a car… no, a mail-order bride…

    *Segue to semi-creepy allegorical [day]dream sequence*

    I’d spent ages fawning over pictures and descriptions…researching, contemplating, discussing and soul-searching, until I knew I had made the right selection. I placed my order and waited. One day I arrived home from work late in the evening, and as I came up into my room, saw that my beauty, my beloved, was there waiting for me. I tore away the coverings of a long journey, and lost myself in [literary] ecstasy for the next four days…

    Yeah, that went creepier than expected. :/ But hey, the bond between a she-geek and her books is profound. 😉

  • Ambifluous.

    Yep, ambifluous. I was looking for a word to describe this state of mind, but that’s all I came up with. And it’s not actually a word. I guess it’s somewhere in between “ambivalent” and “superfluous”, which doesn’t quite peg it, but it’s not the worst approximation… there’s always “purple”… or… “Scandanavian.” Those are slightly less accurate.

    There is an element of ambivalence, and an element of superfluousness, (superfluouitity? pretty sure that’s not a word either, and definitely a misspelled non-word,) but there’s something else in there too, that I can’t quite name.

    A lack of direction, maybe. Focus. Both as a noun and a verb. Something to focus on, and the ability to focus. I need a goal, a passion, something to aim for, to look forward to (besides warmer weather). What do I want?

  • A thought, absurd.

    My dog likes to hang out in the bathroom, and occasionally takes a dump on the living room rug. I tell him he’s mixed up his sitting places with his shitting places, but he’s a dog, so he doesn’t get it.

  • Previous Bloggery

    A prequel/epilogue of sorts

    This is not my first foray into the blogosphere. In fact, I’ve been popping in and out for quite sometime now, since the days when LiveJournal was invite only… and I didn’t have an invite, so I was on a copycat site called “Blurty”. (I did eventually get an invite to LJ, and like 2 weeks later they opened it up. Figures.)

    Many of the posts found here are actually copied from previous incarnations of my bloggery. (When was this post originally written? On which site? The world may never know!!! (heck, I sure don’t remember.))

    Perhaps I’ll dig the addresses for such early brain-leak-recepticals out of the abyss at some point, for the amusement value of middle?school me spilling my guts into the vast virtual vacuum. (That’s what WWW stands for, didn’t you know?* The internet was invented by Germans.**) But for now, I’m riding on the much greater probability that noone actually cares quite that much, and shall refrain for the moment.

    I will, however, leave you with this link to the most recent one (besides this page, obviously), in case you’re really bored/stalking me and want to more blog-age. (I still update it periodically, but it has turned into more of a silly-picture-re-blog/fansqueeing page, and less of where I put words that mean anything, so henceforth I shall [more or less] distinguish the two as such.

    In any case, for further reading: http://LS7.tumblr.com/

    *Lies.
    **Pure fabrication.***
    ***Yes, I blog with footnotes.